Stuart to Edith
Jan. 10 1918
My Belovéd,
Thank you very very much for your well-thought out and clearly expressed answer to my question.
I thought there was the vague dislike at the back of your mind and I was half afraid to ask you because I felt you would not like me to put the question by word of mouth.
Although, as you say, many blessings seem to have been withheld from me, yet on the other hand there is a very great deal to be thankful for. My position was a very difficult one, in fact I think no one could have blamed me if I had not undertaken the task of providing for 4 brothers and a sister. That position, however, was taken and I do not think I could have done as well as I have without Divine help. Anyway, I am not sure that that ought to be a real reason for ordination; I think there must be something more than the feeling of Duty. I should say one needs to be “on fire for souls”. I wonder what “a call” really is; perhaps one day I will ask Mr Grey’s opinion.
I agree with all you say about the service of daily life and that possibly I could do more good as layman than clerical, but I feel doubtful as to whether when we are Man and Wife I shall want to give much time to anything besides You and Home; in fact, I am not sure but that you ought to have it all, especially if our hopes are realized and our family grows larger.
I had practically made up my mind before, and now after what you have said I think I shall decide to put away (not altogether but on one side) thoughts of ordination and to try to fit myself to be the best of layman, to be a worthy mate for you, the Best of Women.
I can see I have overdone things in the past – I must go steadily on keeping as close as I can to things which matter and then perhaps, I hope it may so, I shall be guided in the right way. Before saying Goodbye, let me thank you for all you said, for your poetry-piece, and also for those words where you said you would fall in with my plans. Dearest, I don’t really want tha, what I want is that we should go on hand in hand and not that you should do things which you do not care for just to please me; little things given up are perhaps good but I do not think such a long strain at an uncongenial task would help us to bring to Perfection that Home and Family of which we dream.
Now Goodbye, again Belovéd, you make me feel again how wise and sensible you are, may I be worthy of you and your love, my Sweetheart. Goodbye, Best of Women, Goodbye.
(c) DearestBeloved 2011
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