12 December 1917 Stuart to Edith - Letter #49

Stuart to Edith
Dec. 12 1917
My Belovéd,
One disadvantage of our present system of note-writing is that there are, as now, sometimes two to answer, if any “answer” is required.
Monday’s note was especially nice; in addition to its other nice things there was a good display of sound common sense. Of course, I knew that you were the possessor of that gift but it is very pleasing to find it showing itself to such an advantage as then. You seem to have fathomed the whole difficulty of my past life and the cause of the present situation. No, Belovéd, I do not worry about the past, but I trust I may learn its lessons so as not to be at fault in our future.
Your words brought to mind your letter of the half term. I read it first when I was very tired both in body and mind and the first words that came to me were “Et tu, Brute”! I felt for a moment that you believed all the fault was mine and that you too distrusted me. But that quickly passed. Without any further words from you, I afterwards realized what you really meant, that ti was an effort to help me to make my life happier and everything smoother at home, and I thanked you for it. Now you have shown me still more that you think I have really tried to do my best in spite of things having apparently gone awry.
My Wife-to-be, may you always have that trust and confidence in me. Without it, Sweetheart, I feel we could never reach that at which we aim – the home to which those who know it may look as a pattern of perfection, of how parents and children may grow up in full companionship and happiness.
I am inclined to be impatient, my Dearest, when I am tired and compare my present home with that we hope to have; but it is only a passing phase, and the waiting until all is ready will make that time to come all the more perfect.
You said truly that nothing very definite has transpired about that home to which we look; no, it is true. I fear I am a dreamer, not quite practical enough, too much “up in the cloud” or as Harold would say “on a perch”, but I am hoping that soon I shall be able to say something definite and get something practical out of my many dreams.
I am so glad to know you find life so very much better and that you can look forward with so much calm. Dearest, I hope your thoughts may come true and that when you are ready to leave school, I may be ready to receive you.
Time is up and I have rambled a good deal touching first one thing and then another, and I am afraid this is very much lower than usual. But it is just “me” at the moment, tired, looking forward to seeing you to-night, looking still further further till I shall see you every night. Now Goodbye, thank you again and again for all you have been and are to me; you are indeed my Woman, she who fills up the gaps which want filling and who makes life beautiful. Once more Goodbye, Sweetheart, Goodbye, Goodbye.

(c) DeaestBeloved 2009