1 November 1917 Edith to Stuart - Letter #16

Edith to Stuart
1.11.17
My Dearest,
You make a mistake when you think that I always want to do what it is right I should do, I generally do what I want to do, but very often it would be much better, if I did not. However, there is an ideal time to which I look forward, when God’s will, and our wills, will be one and the same. This ideal, like all others, will never be attained in this life, but – it will come, and meanwhile, we can strive to get nearer and nearer, until at last our struggles cease, and we reach the desired country. To me, all that we hear about “giving up our wills” and so forth, seems mere cant. To all of us God gave a free-will, and I am sure He intended us to use it. People blame those men who take their own lives, saying “God gave the life, and we should wait until He takes it away”. Yet the same people will commit mental suicide, or rather, try to, and think it a very pious action. On the contrary, they are only making more enemies than they need, for instead of making an ally of the free-will God has given, they are continually struggling to get rid of it. Whenever we have a certain hymn in Church, (you know the one I mean) I always want to tell the people to stop singing for there is a far better way to Heaven that that. However, I expect this is all wrong, and most probably you, who have read ore, and thought more, than I have, can prove to me that it is so. I can only think of one sentence in the Bible that can be said to give any proof, and that was said in such circumstances as no man will ever be placed in. Dearest, I hope this won’t frighten you, but if I do not let you know what is inside me, how can you ever start to get it our? This is more “preachy stuff”, and I am afraid you will be even more disappointed with tonight’s scribble than you were last night. Oh, my Dearest, I wish I could write the most beautiful things for you, but, as I cannot, I am afraid you must be content with this.
And so, Goodnight, my Dearest, We are on day nearer the time when “Goodnight” will not be “Goodbye”.
Good-night, Belovéd, Good-night.

(c) DearestBeloved 2009