1 October 1917 Edith to Stuart - Letter #1

Edith to Stuart
1.10.17
Dearest _
Please don’t think this is a letter, I’m just going to write down a few of the “thinks” which I think, and then, if you like, you can read them, and if not, ________
It is bed-time, and every night I say “Good-night” to you the very last, only you don’t hear. So tonight, I thought I would say it so that you could see it; only you won’t be able to see it to-night. It will be just twenty-four hours late. Besides saying “Good-night” to you, I will write out for you my “Poetry-piece”. I read a little bit almost every night, sometimes lots of little bits until I find a nice one that I really like, and then I read it over and over. I only had to read one to-night, because it was a nice one first time, and now I have written it for you I almost know it by heart. I wonder if you’ll like it, or if you don’t like “Poetry pieces”. I hope you do, because they are nice, especially some.
Now this is my “think”. You often ask me if I am afraid. I don’t know what you think there is for me to be afraid of, but I will just tell you the honest truth. Sometimes, I am very much afraid, and sort of want to run away from you, only I know inside that I should soon want to run back to you again. I was afraid last night, when you did what you said I should not do. I understand now why I have so often longed to do that; - it is because the lowest one should do it, and the lowest one is this one. And when you will not admit that I am the lowest, then I am afraid. Because I know that some day you will find out, you will know what I really am, and then – what will you do? Please, Stuart, don’t say any thing more about it now, and I will try my hardest, and you must help me, to come a little nearer to you.
Now, dearest, it really must be “Good-night”. There’s a big hug for you, only you won’t feel it, because I’m giving it to a little frame with a picture in it. (Here’s a secret. That little picture has had one every night since you gave it to me. Would you have believed that?)
Good-night.


I hope this is not another improper thing for me to do, for I have done enough already. Tell me, if it is so, and I won’t do it again.

(c)DearestBeloved 2009