Stuart to Edith
Nov. 5 1917
Dearest and Best Belovéd,
I wrote a short note this morning but as I did not see you I thought it best to keep it; was I right?
I had thought over your last note and although I cannot pretend that this is a carefully considered or adequate answer , yet a few of my own thoughts will, I hope do no harm.
There are few to whom I would write on such a subject, but I think you will not allow anything I say to hurt you nor will you think I am setting up my opinion above others.
I was not able to follow your argument very clearly, but it seemed to me that you were trying to show that if a person is possessed of free will, he cannot live a life in accordance with the will of God. If that is what your idea was, I cannot agree with it at all, for I do not see that the two things are inconsistent.
It is admitted that we are all endowed with free will, but if a person chooses to do what he believes to be God’s will, I do not see that the power of free will is lessened. A choice has always to be made, between good and evil, duty and selfishness, and because a person deliberately chooses the right, I think it shows that he exercises his free will.
Perhaps I have not made it plain, you know my “power of thought is greater than my power of expression” but perhaps we may soon feel that we can talk freely on such subjects. I hope it may be so, for if I am ordained, I expect I shall often need your help; I look to you as my help mate in the work to which I hope to give what is left of my life, just in the same way as I hope to be able to help you, so that each may help to make up the wants of the other.
Ideal? I have always aimed at the ideal; there is no need for me to say – and often, generally failed. It may be possible the reason why to some extent I have not succeeded here at home as I should have like; I have perhaps aimed too high. But, Belovéd, I have aimed at the highest, that I might reach high.
I look forward and hope our life will be ideal, and that in whatever position we may be, we shall be happy: you have made me happier than you know, you have been several times the power which has held me to my duty.
This has been written in two parts and since writing the former, I have read last night’s note from you, but I have not yet carefully pondered it. It is good and kind of you to give me so much thought and I hope I may be worthy of all this attention. Among the thoughts which have passed through my mind since reading it, are, whether you love an ideal (and not me really), whether you hope I shall reach that ideal of yours, and whether you will find eventually I am but clay.
My dearest, you hurt ‘tis true, but I am glad you did, I am glad you had the pluck to write as you did and I will try to do what I can to follow out your ideas. We come back to the old point, don’t we? that the cause of what I consider my failure at home is myself, and the things I have neglected. Belovéd, I will try to be more thoughtful and considerate; please always keep me up to the mark, help me to reach the ideal you want me to attain.
Good bye, Dearest, one more day gone, goodbye, Belovéd, and good night.
(c) DearestBeloved 2009
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