Stuart to Edith
Nov. 12 1917
My Belovéd,
I hardly know what to write to you to-night, for I feel that I have reached that stage which you wanted me to reach; I am more happy than I have been for a long time, and, as I said this morning, feel as if I had thrown off a great burden. I do not know why it should be so, unless it is because of the decision I have made with regard to my home life.
Whether that decision is best and the right one is doubtful to me; it seems such an easy way out, but no other appears to be of any use, so perhaps no harm will be done by letting them have a fairly free hand; I certainly feel very much better which is something.
It makes me very happy too, to know what a difference I have helped to make in your life, to know you feel so much happier and that life is not the burden it was; I hope I may always retain and use that power of making you happy.
Such a result will be helped, I think, if you will keep “up to the mark” and tell me as you have already done of things which I may omit to do; I think you will do so, because it will help to reach that happy, perfect ideal to which we are both so keenly looking forward.
You know now that my ideas of the future are very hazy and that I have yet made no definite decision; what I really want to do is to help others as much as possible to what I feel is the best, and I am not sure how that can be reached.
As a parson in England, one seems bound with so many conventions and much “red tape” that one cannot work as one would; I think that is why I looked further and turned to the Mission Field, where it seems to me, there is the opportunity for spreading Gospel in its truth and not hidden under so many other things.
Do doubt I could do good work as a layman but there seems so little time for that. If I remain at the Press, my hours will never be shorter than now and so I wonder what it best. I feel certain I shall be shown presently; my duty for the present is to do my best for my brothers and sister; when that is done, then I shall expect to see the next step.
I must write no more except to thank you for those last words of trust and confidence, I hope you will always feel so and more so as time goes on.
Goodbye – I like that “God be with you” – Belovéd, goodbye till morning.
(c) DearestBeloved 2009
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