19 November 1917 Stuart to Edith - Letter #27

Stuart to Edith
Nov. 19 1917
Belovéd,
I wish I could write to you the letters I should like to write, or that I could express the thoughts which are so often in my mind, but above them all there predominates this one of “I love you” and yet words seem quite inadequate to express all that I feel and would say. I wish that I could show you more by my actions, all that you mean to me, how you have brought happiness to me, and a happiness which is daily increasing.
I am very sorry, my Dearest, that I hurt you at times; I was afraid you would very quickly find I was not the ideal you imagined me, I fear I am thoughtless and somewhat selfish and self-centred; I know that you forgive and I want you to help me to be better. I feel that you are so far above me in many ways and especially in the greatest of all, in character. You are to me, in spite of what you say to the contrary, all that is pure and noble and beautiful, and although perhaps you would not think it from my action, I might say I almost reverence you (I don’t think the word is too strong).
My life is, I am afraid, lived amongst people to whom the great and noble things of life mean little, their main object seems to make money not for themselves, ‘tis true, but I think this cannot but have a lowering influence; please help me with all your beautiful and noble thoughts and influences to come up higher.
I demand many things of you, don’t I? and offer little in return, but perhaps it will be to our mutual advantage. I look forward to those days when we shall be together, when our aims and thoughts shall be one, when we shall be in truth, and not only in words, “partners”.
I look forward, but I hardly dare think of those times; they seems too good, too ideal, and seem to take my breath away, but that they will come I have little doubt. I hope that, whatever the future may be and wherever it may be spent, I shall prove worthy of that confidence which you expressed in one of your notes; I have a long way to go, but please be patient with me; for I am trying my hardest to get up.
Now, Goodbye, Belovéd, never let me hurt you, if it is avoidable, and keep on helping me to be worthy of you, you Noble and Best of Women.

(c) DearestBeloved 2009