19 November 1917 Edith to Stuart - Letter #28

Edith to Stuart
19.11.17
My Dearest,
I am afraid I hurt you terribly last night, and not only terribly, but most unjustly. I tried to tell you that when I am hurt, it is my own fault. You see, a woman notices such tiny little things, and makes them into great ones, instead of taking no notice at all. Then, in a little while, something comes out, and she sees the reason for the action, or word, which did not please her, and then she is angry with herself for being so blind, so stupid. I am not even a woman yet, so I am more foolish still. You must try to forget what I said, Dearest, at any rate, forgive me for saying it.
I know that you would not do anything to hurt if you could possibly avoid it, and that only shows again that it is absolutely my own fault. So you see I cannot make the promise you want me to make, because when I think a bit I find there is nothing in the things I make so much of. Dearest, I am afraid I am rambling on again, and you won’t be able to understand a word of this. It is always the case when I have something I especially want to say. I wish, as you did last night, that you could get inside me, and then you would know what is there. Perhaps you will some day. At any rate I hope so.
Now, just one serious question. How many times have I hurt you? I am afraid you will not be able to answer that question, because I must have hurt you so often. I wanted to ask you many times last night, but somehow, it would not come.
Now, Good-night, my Dearest. Don’t think about the stupid, thoughtless things I say. Let them pass, if you can; or, if not, just think, “She’s doing her best to be better. I must wait patiently until she is better”.
Goodnight, Belovéd, Goodnight.

(c) DearestBeloved 2009