Stuart to Edith
Nov. 26 1917
Belovéd,
I hoped that I should be able to make this an “extra nice” note, but “the best laid schemes of men and mice gang all agley”. Our little piece of self denial was unnecessary as they were all home by 8.45 and although I wrote to Lucy[1], I was not able to write to you, the atmosphere did not seem quite right, so I must do the best I can this morning.
You understood I think why I came home last night and I thank you for not pressing me to stay. You know that you are first, but that I felt it my duty to give my time then to my home; I must warn you, however, that I am apt to carry that idea of duty too far, so that when I do, please tell me so.
I have been following your advice and thinking about the last person I was with (generally you) and wondering what I could do better.
I hope you quite understood what I meant about Ivy[2]. If you didn’t, it hurt; but I wanted you, ever so much, even although I offered to give you up for that little time. Perhaps I ought not to make such offers? But I know I want you very much indeed and I am afraid of wanting too much and taking what belongs to other people.
This is not so nice as I should have liked but it is 8.20 and I must hurry to say Goodbye to you, my Belovéd, my Dearest; I wonder if you anywhere like imagine all the happiness and joy you have brought to me; how the gloom of the past and the fears of the future have been dispelled and how your love has done it. May I be worthy of all this, is my constant hope; you know that in spite of all my blunderings, roughness and I do love you most dearly.
Now once more, Goodbye, Belovéd, may all things be good with you. Goodbye, goodbye, my Dearest and my Best.
[1] Lucy was a mutual friend of Edith’s.
[2] Ivy Constable was Edith’s friend. She became God-mother to Edith and Stuart’s son.
(c) DearestBeloved 2009
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