22 November 1917 Edith to Stuart - Letter #31

Edith to Stuart
22.11.17
My Belovéd,
The extra nice letter which I want to write to you seems doomed never to be written. I thought I should be able to write it to-night, for there is plenty of time, but I feel --- I can’t explain how, but tired. I thought several times today I could not stand up another minute. I waited about for a ‘bus to come home, until I could have been home, and the ‘bus passed me just before I got to the Bridge. But, you don’t want any grumbles, do you? so I will change the subject.
I have been reading through all your letters, trying to find something which I was sure you said in one of them, but I could not find it. If I had not been so sure, I should not have told you what I did last night. I thought you said in one of them that it would make no difference to your plans for the future whether they appealed to me very much or not, for you felt yourself bound to carry them out. I suppose you did not say this, for I cannot find the words, but, I hope, all the same, you will not let me influence you in any way to give up your plans, if you feel able to carry them out. And although, for some unknown reason, they do not appeal very strongly to me, yet that need not prevent us from being real partners. It is not your work, but you, that I want, and whatever you choose to do in the future, I shall know will be the best, and I will do all I can to help you in that work.
You said you were afraid if you were ordained, your work might interfere with your home life. Oh, Dearest, please, don’t allow it to. We hear so much of women driving their husbands away from their homes, because they are managed so badly, but I think there are just as many men who give their wives no encouragement in their work, and ruin their home-life because they take so little interest in it. We must not let this be the case with us. A woman was never meant to manage a home by herself, in fact, she can’t do it, not as it should be done. So, Dearest, if you have a home, I feel sure that your duty there comes before all else, and if you do not feel that you can put it first, you have no right to ask some one else to do what you feel unable to do. I hope, Dearest, you won’t think me hard in saying this, but I think we should both understand, from the beginning, that it will be as much as we can do between us to make our home what we want it to be. And I believe that if we succeed in making a Home, we shall have done the highest work possible, whether the Head of the House is a Clergyman, or --- anything else.
Now, Dearest, if this is a very hard letter, please remember that I am a bit tired. No, you need not, for that is no excuse for not writing you the very best possible letter, for that would not be so good as you deserve.
No, Goodnight, my Belovéd. May God bless you and keep you always – Goodnight.


Profit? --- Loss?
Who shall declare this good – that ill? –
When good and ill so intertwine
But to fulfil the vast design
Of an Omniscient Will? –
When seeming gain but turns to loss, -
When earthly treasure proves but dross –
And what seemed loss but turnes again
To high, eternal gain?

Wisest the man who does his best,
And leaves the rest
To Him who counts not deeds alone,
But sees the root, the flower, the fruit,
And calls them one.

(c) DearestBeloved 2009