Stuart to Edith
Dec. 3 1917
Belovéd,
You are quite right again; if such evenings as last night make you feel as you say, they are indeed dangerous, and we must not have them very often, for I must not make you “rebellious”; be strong, be patient, dear, the time for which we are waiting will very soon be here and then ---; I look back at the past 6 years and they have gone very quickly, and I don’t think we shall have to wait 6 years, but whatever the time may be, Belovéd, don’t let me do anything to make it irksome to you, and when I do, tell me as you have done to-day.
I was thinking of the future as I walked round Hinksey yesterday morning. The thoughts which came to me were something like these.
Until the last 3 months (perhaps 2 months or even less) I had but one aim, ordination and I think perhaps I allowed that o overshadow other things; Miss Packer suggested as much, too, and I am not sure that she is not right. But now, my point of view has changed, and I lean towards the idea of making a perfect home. Many, the majority, would say that I have put my hand to the plough and turned back but I don’t know that they are right. The other idea had never presented itself to me for myself, although I have for a long time held that such was the best thing a layman could do; you know by this time that I have always been led to believe that I was far too peculiar a person for any one to wish to share life with; but I was told wrongly.
Now that we have learned to love one another with what seems to me the deepest, purest, and whitest of loves, I must show I appreciate this Divine gift. I must do as I now feel I ought and what I think best for us both, help you or work with your “home-building”. I wonder if you understand me, Dearest, for this is all spontaneous and I write the words just as they come; calm meditated thought is perhaps clearer, but it is not ME (pardon!).
We will talk, perhaps, one day for after Christmas, I want to start working for that home; it seems a long way ahead with many uncertainties in between, but I feel that the God who has given us this love for each other will allow us to bring it to completion; that is one of the things I pray for daily and I feel sure it will come, and so am able to look forward hopefully.
Goodbye, Belovéd, there are many things I want to say, but it is very very difficult to find words just when I want to, it would not be possible to find them to tell you what you are to me, for it is not too much for me to say you are my ideal; that a woman could be as good, as true, as sensible,, as unselfish, as thoughtful and loving as you are, I used to doubt, but now that I know you, I realize that a woman can in reality possess those fine and noble qualities which I had thought they only possessed in theory, for I have seen them in you, who are to me perfections, the best, the whitest of all.
Goodbye, Sweetheart, look ahead happily and patiently; that ime will soon be here, my Dearest and Best.
(c) DearestBeloved 2009
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